I lost my voice.
It has been gone for 3 days.
It is coming back.
I have been told by Erik, "Mom, your voice is Slow"
"No, Erik" as I whisper in his ear...
"My voice is gone"
So this brings me to what happens when Mom's voice goes out....
Now, imagine if you will this:
Squeaky whispers. Silent Shrills. LOUD claps. Animated Faces.
It is like plugging your nose and talking through your mouth, except you don't have a voice-PLUS it squeaks!!
So what kind of trouble can one (namely ERIK) get into when Mom can't yell...STOP! NO! DON'T!!
"Erik, Stop kicking during church. Wait! What are you doing....OUCH! WAck!"
No sound.
"Erik!!! Don't throw that toy on Granny's head off the banister!!"
Clapping as hard as I can. I am downstairs. He is up. To him, he hears NOTHING.
"Erik, You can't have a 5th piece of cake!"
As he digs in. Nope, I didn't hear mom SAY I can't have anymore.
Potty words fly out of his mouth like it he is singing a song.
"Erik!! We DoN'T TALK LIKE THAT!!!"
Talk?!? Did someone say something. Nope. Continue.
Mud tracks all over the kitchen floor.
"Erik, you need to clean this up"
Erik, "Mom, your voice is slow."
Now in his sisters room...WITH SCISSORS!!!
I Yell.
"SQUEAK".
He was upset and decided to take out his frustration in cutting things in his sister's room.
Time out.
"Mom, can I get out?!"
No answer.
"MOM, can I get out?!"
No answer.
However, I did say Yes, but that was not heard.
HahhaHahhah!!! LOL!
Reminds me of the "Malcom in the Middle" episode where the parents left Dewey in time out ALL night. LOL!!!
Now he pulls his brother's hair.
Shrieking. Squeaking.
But this is not from me.
It is from my son who's hair was pulled.
Now I want to pull my own hair!!!
It continues.
We go to the store.
Erik runs off.
Can I call out to him?
NO. I can't even hear myself. My voice is at a whisper.
It is a good thing my legs still work.
"Mom, your voice is slow"
LOL!!!
Yes, My voice IS slow.
Or whatever you want to call it.
Please, take a moment of "Silence" for me.
Pun intended. ;)
Now, if you'll excuse me. He is throwing EVERYTHING down the stairs!!!
'Sound'...Loud Clapping....
Side note:
Something I find hilarious and factual about not having a voice is:
EVERYONE whispers BACK!
It seriously makes me laugh.
And then in my whisper of a voice-
I say to them, "Why are you whispering, you have a voice" :D
But Erik doesn't whisper back.
That is because my voice is slow. Not gone.
LOL!!!!
LOL!!!
Oh! Not to mention the looks from others.
I am sure they are thinking,
"Why is this crazy lady doing a monkey dance and clapping REALLY loud?"
LOL!!
I LOVE this blog.
I love laughing at all the joys life brings!
I hear screams coming from the hall...
"MOM, Erik peed on my foot"
I look down the hall and see trails of pee with every footstep.
I think, ok this shouldn't be too bad.
Boy, was I wrong.
I step over the puddle of pee outside the bathroom door...
And walk in the bathroom and see pee EVERYWHERE!
All over the floor.
In the tub.
On top of the toilet.
Yes, apparently the lid was never lifted.
All over the bathroom cupboards.
A puddle in the hallway.
Around the tub.
Around the toilet.
On top of the counter.
On the wall.
SERIOUSLY!!?!
He must have done a spun around 180 degrees!
And of course I scream, "ERIK!!!!"
"What in the 'Ba-gurk' happened here?"
"JON!!! I could use some help...it is ALL over the place!"
"Erik, it is NOT funny"
"Dude! You know where and how to use the potty"
Maybe he got bored of lifting the seat?
Maybe he wanted to see how much surface area he could cover?
Maybe he wanted to torture his brother?
Or his mother...
Who has to clean it UP!
Maybe he was aiming?
BUT AT WHAT!?!
AND HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE THAT MUCH PEE?!!!
I may never know.
But he succeeded in his quest.
Sigh.
Oh-
Of course none of it was on Erik.
Clean as a whistle.
What goes on in his head remains a mystery.
A mystery that even Sherlock Holmes could never solve.
It was one of those nights.
9:30pm rolls around and I think to myself, "Oh I am going to sleep good tonight".
HA HA HA HA HA!!!
I will not make that mistake again jinxing myself.
Night comes.
Is is 1am...
"MOM!"
"What is it Erik?"
"I am thirsty"
Drink.
"Nite Nite"
2:30am...
"MOM! Mom! MOm!"
A little less energetic...I roll myself out of my warm comfortable sheets.
"Yes?"
"I'm Scared"
"What are you scared of Erik?"
"King Bowser"
Then the sheets.
Erik is out of his sheets.
He says, "Look mom"
Sigh.
Back to Bed.
3:15 am...
"MoooooooMMMMM!!!!"
I can not move!
SEROTONIN!!!!
I need my SEROTONIN!!!!
I don't move.
I moan.
Then the light from the hallway bathroom turns on.
AHHHHH MY EYES!!!...
It is like Heaven in all it's brightness has descended.
It blares though our open door.
I lay there fully awake-
Like a dying fish struggling to breath.
Our #3 son goes to the bathroom.
Not sure why he NEVER shuts the door.
Or lets the toilet seat lid softly down...
SLAM!
If I wasn't awake, I am now.
SEROTONIN!!!!!!!
Lights turn off again and I slowly drift into unconsciousness.
BUT WAIT!!!...
Who knows "what the crap" of the night time it is.
I have a coughing attack!
SEROTONIN!!!!
Now the CLIMAX...
The icing on the cake...
The moment you have all been waiting for...
5:15am
"MMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!"
My sweet husband says, "You stay here. I will take care of it"
He comes back.
"Erik peed in his bed"
I want to flail my arms-but I have no strength.
I once again arise.
My husband cleans off the boy.
I take the sheets and start a load of laundry.
Which works out because I FORGOT to put the pants in the washer that he peed in YESTERDAY!
And of course the sheets were just barely washed.
It is all part of the grand phenomenon of life.
We take care of Erik and I put myself back in bed with the little amount of energy I have remaining.
My husband says, "Good morning!"
I glare at him (in a very loving way) and say, "DON'T you say good morning to me".
It is NOT morning yet.
I WILL NOT.
CAN NOT.
ACCEPT THE FACT THAT IT IS INDEED MORNING!!!!
I try to convince myself, Well...I have one more hour of sleep.
At least.
10 minutes later....
THUD. THUD! THUD!! THUD!!!!!!!
The washer is uneven and it is beating like a marching band.
I stare at the ceiling.
Thinking now in my head...
This is IT.
And of course it has a tune to it like the song,
"It's the End of the World as we Know it"...
"But I feel fine"
But instead it should be sung,
"It is the end of the night as I know it"...
"I'm going to cry"
And I feel like I am IN the song.
Going SO fast, I can't keep up.
6:00am...
The light turns on in the kitchen.
My eldest daughter is getting ready for school.
I just want to SCREEEEEEEEEEEAM!!!
SEROTONIN!!!!
I'm up.
Guess I will daydream about getting my Serotonin tonight.
But before I start my day...
May I stay alert at the wheel when I drive.
May I only say things ONCE to my kids and not have to repeat myself.
Forget about cleaning the house.
It will not happen today.
May I relish and enjoy the little joys that Heavenly Father gives me today and Thank Him for them.
May I...
ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.......
Each week brings something new.
Or a repeat.
For example...
1. Erik seems to think whenever we go to Costco, that means he gets to pull down his pants and pee in the bush.
As I am loading the car.
Or as we are walking into Costco-
He runs ahead...
Then pulls down his pants.
Thanks to Erik, I don't think those bushes will ever be effected by drought.
2. One day Erik lost his balance and his hand went in the toilet.
It was funny to him at the time.
But each day,
Each conversation,
Each hello to a stranger...
The words flow out of his mouth,
"I put my hand in the toilet"
Yes.
It is exciting.
3. Activities are fun.
Always with Erik.
Feeding ducks bread.
The ducks will never be hungry again.
Why?
Because Erik throws the entire slice of bread to the ducks.
No time to tear off little pieces for this busy boy.
4. Popcorn.
I know he has popcorn.
So why he runs to his bed and eats it under his covers is a mystery to me.
The room reeks of buttered popcorn.
Small kernels spread ALL OVER HIS SHEETS....
THE SHEETS I JUST WASHED YESTERDAY!!!!!!
5. Parent Teacher Conference.
3 kids. 3 Conferences. And Erik.
We start by going to my Kindergartners PTC.
Meanwhile the kids are running around people.
Dodging them left and right.
Pulling off books to look at for a fundraiser.
I am waiting outside the Kindergarten door.
It is time to go inside.
The teacher asks me,
"Are you stressed?"
Ummmmm....Ummmm....
I say, "No, I am just herding my cats"
I have never owned cats.
But it doesn't seem like it would be easy to keep them all in a small circle for very long.
And so PTC continues.
The last PTC was in the gym.
No they are not supposed to run around.
People cannot hear what the other teachers are saying.
No, the stage is not for stage diving, jumping, catapulting, or acting like "Rocky" after running up a zillion stairs.
I think they invented clothes so that moms have something to grab a hold of as their children barely slip from their fingers to hold them still.
Bedtime came early that night.
As I was thinking last night about blogging, I realized and learned something.
About Erik.
Heavenly Father blessed me with this boy and all my wonderful children.
I broadened my thoughts and realized that I need to learn some things from Erik.
1. To have fun in life.
Erik enjoys EVERY day.
No matter what happens.
He is always smiling.
2. Let the little things go.
He is the best example of this.
Erik doesn't let things get to him.
Even when I scream in his face...
He chuckles and runs off.
3. He shows unconditional love.
He always gives me loves.
Always.
Whether I have had a hard day or not.
Always.
4. He is very polite.
Thank-yous.
"Please mom"
Your welcomes.
Very polite.
5. He has a tremendous spirit about him.
It is powerful.
People look at him and connect to him instantly.
That is why he is still alive and I haven't beaten him to death.
(That is just a figure of speech of course, I would never hurt my kids)
But when you look in his big brown eyes, all worry, doubt, pain and sorrow seem to melt away.
And that is why I feel so blessed among many other things for all the children I have.
They each bring things to our family that I love and cherish them ALL for.
So to my kids,
I say, "Thank you. Because of you...I hope, try and will be a better person".
It has been said that Erik has "a guarded gaze that can dissect your soul".
We had a friend over for dinner last night.
He mentioned Erik.
"He could be a CFO of a major corporation"
"NO, an FBI agent".
Whatever the future holds for this "Mastermind"...watch out!
He is clever.
He is smart.
He takes everything in and assesses the situation.
Finds the best approach.
Finds away around the "rules" to get what he wants.
Especially when it comes to eating Otter Pops, whether or not we say "yes" he can have one.
And if we say "no"...
He will wait till we are not looking.
Get one.
Cut it open with scissors.
Run to his room.
Hide under the sheets with the Otter Pop.
Eat.
And hide it when he hears footsteps coming.
So at night he can dream "sweet dreams" on his sticky, sugary pillow.
Candy.
Junk.
This is Erik's Superpower.
He is able to know and find candy in a locked room.
This is not an exaggeration.
Let me take you back in time to Last Night....
My husband asks, "Where is the candy Nicole?"
"I have a craving"
I reply, "If I tell you, I will have to kill you".
Why?
Because if someone has candy...
In their hand.
In their mouth.
Within 5 miles of Erik-
He WILL find it.
He WILL want some.
He will become the HULK and tear things apart till he gets his "fix" of the sugary goodness.
He scares me.
Let's fast-forward to this morning...
Erik says, "Mom, I want candy"
I tell him, "We don't have any candy"
Candy creates sadness in this house-
Because 1 piece is NEVER enough!
Then he starts to claw at me like a dog and beckon me to follow him.
He goes to our pantry.
Points to EXACTLY where I have hidden the candy.
Which can NOT BE SEEN (as it is behind a bin and inside a grocery bag).
How!?
Why?!
I stare at him in wonder.
Amazement.
Then I drop my head and think to myself.
Of course.
Why did I have any doubt that Erik can sniff out the candy like a hound dog.
That even my attempts to have any sort of junk food in the house...it WILL be found.
And then snuck and devoured by Erik.
It happens EVERY time.
And let me tell you.
If Erik does have candy and you attempt to take it away or taunt him with candy-
He will become that Hulk.
He will become a bull and run you down.
Do NOT mess with this boy and candy.
His Superpower.
Many more stories about Junk with Erik to follow.
Just know...if we come to your house and you have visible or hidden candy-
It is NOT safe.
I will let the pictures do the rest of the talking...
I remember like it was yesterday.
I was downstairs sewing.
We had a jar of shelled peanuts that were almost gone.
My son (#3) had just taken a bath. All clean.
He was only wearing a diaper.
He brought over the jar of peanuts to me and wanted some.
So I opened the lid and he reached in and ate some.
I said, "Can mommy have some?"
So he reached in and fed some peanuts to me.
I smelt something.
I tasted something.
I looked at his hands...the ones he just fed me peanuts with.
And I screamed!
AHHHHHH!!!!!!
I looked at my husband (who was sitting next to me-he was at the computer).
I yelled, "HE JUST FED ME POOPY PEANUTS!!!"
In my head, I thought...
I am going to DIE!
I was thinking of how I could scrape my tongue with sandpaper and it wouldn't be enough.
I said to my husband (still in shock), "HELP ME, WHAT DO I DO?!!!"
His reply, "Just swallow them. They are already in your mouth."
Dumbfounded, I looked...stared at him and it all seemed like it was going in slow motion.
I jumped up and thought about bleaching out my mouth....
But the damage was already done.
I listened to my husband and decided to swallow.
WHY!?!
Somehow he had reached down his diaper BEFORE peanuts.
And I didn't even think in the moment that my son had fed himself poop covered peanuts.
NO.
I was totally thinking at that moment that my life was going to end.
I shuttered. UUUgggGGG!!!
Yes. It tastes EXACTLY like it smells.
Nothing good about it.
And no, I couldn't smell it before hand. It wasn't that strong.
Oh the HORROR!!
The pain.
Then the laughs that followed....
3 YEARS LATER!
When the memory of that stink and waste was no longer fresh in my mind.
You know the saying, "That tastes like crap".
Well, most likely it doesn't.
I am proof that even dog food (yes I have tried that as a kid) tastes better than poo.
